A woman has gone viral on Reddit after sharing that she canceled her husband’s five-day Christmas plans with his entire family after sending out the invitations without telling him. She said she didn’t want her whole family at home and he demanded that she write him an apology.
The woman, known only as u / No355356, posted her situation on Reddit’s popular “Am I The A ** hole” forum and received more than 15,000 votes and 3,400 comments in just six hours.
In the post, number u / No355356 explained that she, 32, and her husband, 39, have been married for four years and have a two-year-old child together. She also mentioned that she is currently six months pregnant with their second child.
She also explained that she is currently working full time while her husband works three night shifts a week.
“This whole drama started a few days ago,” she explained in the post. “My husband has a large family. And every Christmas they met at his father’s house. My stepfather passed away a year ago and this year my husband decided, as the man of the family, to ‘welcome Christmas to our home. “
u / No355356 explained that her husband sent out invitations for a five-day Christmas celebration to all of her family, around 26 members in total, but did not tell her.
“I discovered it by accident and I was too shocked to react,” read the post. “I confronted him about it and he said I shouldn’t be surprised and get used to it because after his father died he is now the ‘head’ of the family and all the big family events will have place in our house and in his presence. “
She explained that she told him he should have talked to her first, especially knowing that she had other commitments including a full-time job and looking after their son.
“He said we’ll be fine if I miss work, but that means more workload later and that would take away my maternity leave,” the post explained. “I demanded that he cancel the invitations, but he refused to say ‘on my corpse’ and then walked out.”
U / No355356 said she ended up texting everyone who received an invite saying they weren’t hosting Christmas this year. She claimed that when her husband found out that she had uninvited everyone, he called her behavior “outrageously appalling” and said that she “had broken his word to her family”.
In the post, number u / No355356 said her husband told her that she made him “feel small” without “any authority”. She also wrote that she told her husband that she did not register to accommodate 26 people at their home while she was pregnant and that she was working and caring for their toddler simultaneously.
The Redditor wrote that she told her husband that he was the “head of the family” meant nothing to her and that he walked out of the room almost in tears.
“He then explained that I had disrespected him and his father with what I said and asked for a handwritten apology for canceling the event and for being callous to him and having undermined his authority before his family, “u / No355356 wrote. “But I didn’t say any apologies on my part in any form and the issue is still relevant, especially with my MIL who sternly explained to me how out of place I was for disrespecting to my husband’s decisions about celebrating the family vacation. “
In the comments, many came to Redditor’s defense and said her husband’s behavior was “delusional” and called the situation “worthy of divorce.” Others called her husband a misogynist.
According to Randi Gunther, clinical psychologist and author at Psychology today, it is important for couples to recognize whether either partner is using manipulative language during communication.
One of these manipulative techniques involves hiding something from a partner in order to avoid disappointment or confrontation.
Other types of manipulation involve making a person feel guilty for their actions and presenting exaggerated reasons for wanting to do something. For example, u / No355356’s husband said he wanted to spend Christmas at his house because it was his duty as “head of the house”. In this case, her husband was trying to legitimize why he went behind her back and tried to turn the situation against her.
In a comment, which received over 14,000 votes, one Reddit user mentioned that her husband’s language shared a lot about how he viewed marriage.
“Saying that she made him ‘feel small’ and without ‘any authority’ highlights how he views the dynamics of their relationship,” the user wrote.
“He would probably call it ‘traditional’ but since he works part time while his wife has to work full time and take care of the children, I’ll say it’s misogynist,” commented another.
Others mentioned that the Redditor’s husband likely sent the invitations on purpose without his permission and called him out for being manipulative about the situation.
“He sent these invitations without her knowledge for a reason. He knew she would oppose it,” one user commented. “He bet that having already sent out the invitations would force him against his will to organize a 5 day extravaganza for 26 people while working full time to support the family, taking care of a child downstairs. age and being in the last trimester of pregnancy. “